After a week of Trick or Treating with his parents, Greg, like any other boy, giddily ran home to take a look at his haul. Unbeknownst to him, his parents were ready with testing kits and numbered pieces of tape.
Greg’s mother, Ms.Daford, is a respected entrepreneur working to create a social media app to let fossil fuel companies lobby politicians with a click of a button. As claimed by Ms.Daford, this revolutionary app would allow all politicians to know exactly who is offering the most in extortion, and that with technology even the newest politicians could easily receive bribes. Ms.Darford is also especially generous and quite gracious so we have allowed her to demonstrate her highly successful product on our platform on November 31st, 2021.
Mr.Daford is Greg’s dad.
Now, according to Greg, they unwrapped nearly all 200 pieces of confections into a box, before meticulously testing each one with a laboratory set up in their garage. After more than three days of testing, they begrudgingly gave up and forsook the pile of disfigured candies.
“It’s just so disheartening, reading each year about how some lucky family collects some edibles,” Ms. Daford told us, “and then the ungrateful rascals let the police take it from them, just like that. Do you know how much bang you can make from selling dop-. I mean, how profitable it could potentially be, to have a free-lance venture, which could conceivably include transporting specific goods overseas to a demanding clientele?”
“Their house always smells like skunk and bitter almonds and, and-, a swimming pool,” said Authen, one of the few friends Greg has and supposedly will ever have, “I think they have an infestation because they have so many bottles of bleach and something called, ‘amoonia’.”
Quite the tale honestly, it really is something to take a different perspective. And now, we were able to get a word with the local police department to ask about how careful you really should be about Halloween.
“Honestly, I don’t know the answer, we get a few cases every year of razor blades and needles hidden in treats across the county, but it was so poorly done you would think it was an activity for a senior center. Marijuana is much rarer and it’s not in my line of work to know the exact numbe-”
“Harold you’re just jealous you didn’t get any of the 420 from the Thompsons aren’t you. Hehehe”
“…”
“Dude this guy. Hahaha. Man literally body-checked three of our best before slipping on a plate on the ground. Knocked out cold. I can’t stop smiling when I think about it.”
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Next up on the Anti-Antifa:
According to a survey by a researcher at Waterloo, corruption is the most inclusive thing in the world.
Atheists report that God is threatening to take our jobs.
Players beg for 300 Primogems due to characters dealing one less damage than stats surmise.
Due to rising sea levels, Santa Claus has actually become the first human to live on Mars.
Photo by Brandon Skeli on Unsplash.com
