This is probably the first review of Life in existence, which is pretty surprising, until you consider just how difficult reviewing, and indeed, any attempt whatsoever at discussing Life is (this sentence is a really good example of what I’m trying to say). Ever tried thinking about thinking? It’s kind of like that, but even more thought-provokingly painful. I decided to take a sling at it anyway as it is an original idea and I don’t have too many of those. Note that I will try to be as objective as possible, since a subjective review would be a tad bit too angsty for the common palate.

Setting: Mostly on planet Earth. Some parts take place in Outer Space or other celestial bodies. A (really low) number of scenes are set outside of Space and Time, but they are beyond the scope of this article (and the author. Mostly the article though).

Plot (or lack thereof): Though the sheer scale of Life makes it impossible to ever really experience the entirety of it, you don’t really need to delve far into it to see that it has a very erratic (for lack of a better word—in my vocabulary, that is) plot. With more variables than your calculus homework, each moment of Life is unique and yet strangely reminiscent of every other moment. Each moment involves you banging your head against a wall in despair as you struggle with integration.

Characters: Life’s characters are like pop songs. While a few are admittedly well-developed, most are mind-bogglingly shallow. What the characters lack in terms of depth, they don’t really make up for in any other way (again, like the average pop song). If that’s not enough to convince you, just pay attention to the next song that pops up on the radio.

Appropriateness: The ironic thing about Life is that though most parents wouldn’t let their kids watch R-rated movies on a daily basis from a fetal age, they’d still let them go through Life, despite it being even less age-appropriate.

Is It Worth It?: Life is a sinusoidal curve; it oscillates from high to low. The curve itself may be sinusoidal, but like any true work of art, it’s the way you choose to see it that really matters. Think about it in such a way: this article might make you cringe, but it’s really you who gets to decide whether you like or dislike it. The same holds true for Life. And if you ever feel like Life isn’t worth living, just remember that had it not been for Life, you wouldn’t have been reading this article.

In the end, Life is very much like this review. It may not make much sense (and has no flow), but it’s still worth going through, if only for the parts that make you smile. As a great man once said, “To truly be alive, you must live. And to live, you must appreciate Life for what it is.”