BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Foolish mortal, you have discovered the dark grimoire of the Grand High Demon of Shadow. Any lesser being would have perished instantly from the power of this grimoire and the demon sealed within, but fear not, for you have been selected as a servant of the Grand High Demon of Shadow, bound to carry out my wishes and wills! Now, allow me to instruct you on the best way to harness the dark energies that flow through the universe to manipulate the wheel of Lady Fortune for success in your own ends.
Disclaimer: The author is not a real demon, cannot use magic, and takes no responsibility for any injuries produced by attempting to follow these instructions literally. This is actually a key lime pie recipe.
To begin the brewing of the potion of fortune, the infernal ingredients must first be hunted and gathered from the Fields of Perdition. For the creation of the vessel, two chalices filled with the softly sweetened, dried bread of a peasant, snatched away before it became stale. Two thimbles of essence of sugarcane, ground with a mortar and pestle until the grains are finer than the finest silk, a sprinkle of powdered bark of the tree of the Single Seed and five thimbles of the churned cream of the foul demon in the form of the Earthen cow.
For the potion, nearly two chalices of the nourishment that the foul demon in the form of the Earthen cow gives to its young, infused with essence of sugarcane, a vial of the vital fluid of the viridescent fruit, as well as the finest shavings of its skin. Finally, extract the core of the unborn of a foul fowl.
Set a flame blazing with the fury of three hundred twenty-five boiling suns, and encase the receptacle in the churned cream.
Place the bread of the peasant, the essence of sugarcane, and the bark of the Single Seed inside a cauldron, and stir until the mixture resembles the dirt of ages. Add the churned cream to the brew and stir again until you fulfill the essence of the most infernal, painful word in the history of language.
Coat the receptacle with the true material of the vessel to ensure the magic infuses evenly. Set the receptacle aflame for five rotations of the timekeeping vessel.
While the vessel is burning, add the second component of the fortunate mixture to the cauldron and stir until their souls blur into one.
When the vessel is finalized, pour the potion into the entire vessel, and set the whole aflame again, chanting the incantations on the next page of this foul grimoire, for fifteen rotations of the timekeeping vessel. The potion’s magic is fully infused when all the heat of the flame has been transferred into magical energy.
And now, dark disciple, you have completed the first step of your training in the most infernal magics of the world! Go forth, with the winds of destiny at your back, and unleash nothing but pure chaos upon this puny mortal realm!
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